Musicians and Codependency

T.L. Mazumdar Author

Oct 22, 2024 |

How unhealthy relationships can impact creativity and well-being for Musicians.

Introduction

Creativity and emotions are the very fundament the music-making process is built upon. And there's an unseen adversary in the life of a professional musician that will often lurk in the shadows—codependency.

This somewhat delicate condition can entangle things, leading to risky patterns that hinder personal and artistic growth.

Understanding codependency and its impact specifically on musicians is crucial for those seeking clarity in their artistic practice and career.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a concept used to refer to a somewhat complex and subtle behavioral condition where individuals rely on others excessively.

This reliance could be for validation, self-worth, and identity.

It often involves one-sided relationships where the needs of one party are consistently prioritized over the other’s, leading to an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship dynamic

Psychologist Robert Subby, defines codependency as "an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules."

The Emotional Quotient of Musicians

By the very nature of the craft, musicians operate on a high emotional quotient.

Our work involves delving extraordinarily deep into emotions, connecting with the feelings of both ourselves and those of others, and translating these experiences into art. Melody, harmony, rhythm, and lyrics are meant to communicate and resonate with audiences, at a very intimate, sometimes subconscious level.

This heightened sensitivity, while often a source of artistic brilliance, can also make us particularly vulnerable to codependent tendencies.

The Unique Vulnerability of Musicians

High Emotional Demands

The emotional labor inherent in music creation can be immense. Musicians often pour their heart and soul into their work, making them more susceptible to emotional exhaustion and the need for external validation.

Often this can feel like the only way to confirm if what we are creating, is even on the right track.

This is a very unique professional hazard. Unlike others, there is no one. one-size-fits-all, 'objective' yardstick to replace this very important part in the creative process.

Chances are, that is one of the biggest vulnerabilities gatekeepers in the music industry have attempted to exploit by inserting conventional business strategies based on profit-based systems to measure 'success'. All the while trying to fulfill their own agendas, very few of which have anything to do with music or the arts.

This is fertile ground for codependent relationships to thrive, leading to an ecosystem where the unhealthy dependency on others for approval and support starts getting normalized.

Poor Self-Awareness

As ironic as it is, the intense focus on external expression through music can come at the cost of internal self-awareness.

As musicians, we tend to be more adept at conveying emotions to others through our art but struggle to recognize our own emotional needs and boundaries. 

This lack of self-awareness combined often with meager communication skills adds to the problem. I think it's important for us artists to accept accountability for that. A lot of times, we don't realize when we are sacrificing our personal well-being for the sake of others as a result of this skill being left neglected.

Stigmas Around Mental Health

Despite growing awareness, mental health issues remain stigmatized in many circles, including the music industry. Social media will spout buzzwords, but I remain astonished at how so many of us musicians keep trying to avoid seeking help. Usually due to fears of being perceived as 'weak' or 'unprofessional'.

This continuing reluctance to address mental health can exacerbate codependent tendencies since the unresolved psychological issues involved can often underpin such behaviors.

Normalization of Heavy Workloads

The music industry often glorifies relentless work ethics and the "struggling artist" trope.

Long hours, constant touring, and the pressure to continuously produce new material can lead to burnout. It's an environment where codependent patterns can emerge quickly, as we feel constantly compelled to meet unrealistic expectations, sacrificing our own needs and well-being in the process.

Common Examples of Codependent Patterns in a Musician's Workspace

Here are a few instances of some classic co-dependent patterns in the musician's workspace.

*Overcommitting to Collaborations*

Musicians might agree to numerous collaborations and projects out of a desire to please others or fear of missing out on opportunities. 

Too much repertoire, unrealistically difficult pieces that we insist on trying to master in incredibly short periods to display our 'prowess'. Denying the toll it can potentially take on our health, and the fact that these endeavors while exciting and fulfilling on occasion, are not a sustainable lifestyle to build our careers on.

When this becomes a pattern, the over-commitment more often than not, leads to burnout. Worse still, disillusionment, a lack of focus on long-term artistic goals, and constant self-doubt and disempowerment.

*Sacrificing Personal Time for Professional Demands*

Constantly prioritizing rehearsals, gigs, and recording sessions over personal self-care and growth is bound to erode a musician’s mental and physical health at some point. This pattern often stems from a fear of disappointing bandmates, managers, or audiences.

As uncomfortable as it sounds, using guilt to manipulate our colleagues, falling prey to 'Martyr Syndrome', and citing things like lineage or reputation as a 'debt' to live up to are rampant practices in artist circles that are normalized in a manner that keeps feeding the 'struggling artist' paradigm to start the vicious cycle all over again.

*Enabling Dysfunctional Behavior*

This is probably an extension of the point mentioned above. In a bid to maintain harmony within a band or team, musicians might find themselves tolerating or even enabling dysfunctional behaviors like unprofessional conduct, poor work ethic, toxic behaviour or in extreme cases, even substance abuse. This can create a very harmful work environment.

*Seeking Excessive Approval*

Falling into the trap of constantly seeking approval and validation from producers, bandmates, or audiences as musicians is a high risk. 

This can stem from past traumas and poor self-esteem issues we were probably looking to heal through our art, without having managed to transition that practice into one where it doesn't end up as a form of addiction to the validation our artistic accomplishments bring us.

So when our self-awareness levels are neglected, it eventually leads to our confidence eroding even further, leading to a downward negative spiral. The fact that this fear of loss can also end up stifling the innovation and personal growth we need to nurture is another side effect.

Breaking Free from Codependency

Now that we've established the presence of co-dependency as a legitimate problem in our workspace let's talk about solutions.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Fostering Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is the first step towards overcoming codependency.

We need to take time to reflect on our own needs, emotions, and boundaries.

Practices like journaling, meditation, and therapy can aid in this self-discovery process.

2. Seeking Qualified Help

Engaging with mental health professionals and/or a coach can provide invaluable support. Therapists trained in codependency and addiction can help musicians understand the roots of their behaviors and develop healthier relationship patterns.

Qualified coaches and mentors with a background that gives them experiential skills to help artists can help us gain objectivity, accountability, and actionable steps to recalibrate our situation.

Most importantly though, both of the above give us a safe space to actually unpack the struggles we are dealing with.

3. Building a Supportive Network

Surrounding oneself with a supportive network of friends, family, peers, and mentors who understand and respect our journey, respect personal boundaries, and truly want us to succeed and thrive helps reinforce healthy behaviors.

This network (for lack of a better term) will ideally provide emotional support without fostering dependency, and encourage a balanced approach to both personal and professional growth.

Conclusion

Musicians, with their profound emotional depth and dedication to their craft, are uniquely susceptible to codependent patterns. Recognizing and addressing these tendencies is essential for fostering a healthy and sustainable career. By cultivating self-awareness, seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and building supportive networks, we can break free from the shackles of codependency and thrive both personally and artistically.

For those navigating the challenging waters of the music industry, remember that seeking clarity in your artistic practice and career is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your commitment to your craft and well-being. Embrace this journey with self-compassion, and let your music be a true reflection of your healthiest, most authentic self.

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References

- Subby, R. (1987). **Lost in the Shuffle: The Co-dependent Reality**. Health Communications, Inc.

- Mental Health America. (n.d.). **Co-dependency**. Retrieved from [Mental Health America](https://www.mhanational.org/co...)

- Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. (1981). **Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself**. Hazelden Publishing.

- National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). **Mental Health Information**. Retrieved from [NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/healt...)

Categories: : mental health, music business, self care